How to Keep Sane when your Leaders Miss the Mark
None of us get to choose our leaders, but we do get to choose how we respond. Last week, I discussed some ways our leaders can fall short and disappoint or discourage us.
If you find yourself working for someone who “misses the mark,” here are some ways to keep your integrity, protect your joy, and continue making an impact.
When leaders don’t listen
Document your input. Follow up conversations with short, clear emails: “Thanks for our discussion; here’s what I understood…” It puts your perspective in writing and shows your professionalism.
Find listening allies. If your leader isn’t hearing you, look for colleagues who will. Building cross-team trust keeps ideas alive.
Stay grounded. You can’t control how they respond, but you can ensure your voice is clear, kind, and consistent.
When leaders don’t communicate clearly
Clarify back. Don’t be afraid to say: “I want to be sure I understand—what’s the final direction?”
Confirm priorities in writing. If instructions change, capture the latest version in an email or shared doc so you have a reference point.
Control what you can. Even if leadership waffles, your team will appreciate clarity from you.
When leaders create division and play favorites
Model inclusivity. Make space for voices that aren’t being heard, especially in meetings.
Build your own circle of trust. Encourage collaboration across the “in” and “out” groups. It helps heal divisions at the staff level.
Don’t play the game. Resist the temptation to curry favor. In the long run, credibility matters more than proximity.
When leaders change too much
Ask the “why.” If leadership doesn’t, you still can. Understanding history makes you a stabilizing voice for others.
Be a bridge. Help connect past decisions with current changes so the team sees continuity, not just disruption.
Offer solutions, not just concerns. Instead of “this won’t work,” try “here’s what might honor both the old and the new.”
When leaders lead by fear
Protect your own courage. Don’t let fear silence your ideas, share them, even if quietly at first.
Name what’s healthy. Acknowledge when leaders do choose courage, it reinforces better behavior.
Anchor to the mission. When fear drives decisions, keep reminding yourself and your colleagues why you’re there.
When leaders can’t make decisions
Nudge for clarity. Provide clear options: “Here are two paths; would choosing one by Friday allow us to move forward?”
Keep the team moving. While waiting on leadership, progress what you can so momentum isn’t completely stalled.
Communicate the impact. Kindly share how indecision affects donors, staff, and results — sometimes leaders need to see the cost to act.
Final Word
Working under poor leadership is hard. But even in those seasons, you can choose integrity, keep learning, and strengthen your own leadership muscles. Every bad example is also a teacher, showing us the leader we refuse to become.
Next week, I turn to the examples we’ve seen of great leaders – and what we can learn from them.