Love > Fear

Fear has been a large part of my life story. I’d say it started when my parents left me home alone and told me not to watch TV, but I did anyway. And it was Dracula. To this day, when I’m scared, I instinctively cover my neck. I wish I were kidding.

It probably started even before I knew what fear was. Maybe I picked up some of my mom’s fear when she was pregnant. And my dad’s fears around money. Fear is everywhere.

I like the Enneagram types. Each one has its own base-level fear, whether it is the fear of being wrong, being unloved, being helpless, being unsafe, or being vulnerable. We all have fears. It’s part of being human.

I’ve been reading a book and listening to a psychiatrist who explains fear triggers through the brain’s limbic system, the part responsible for emotional response. When that happens, our prefrontal cortex, the thought center, can temporarily go offline. It’s why, whether the threat is real or perceived, we can panic, make poor decisions… or, cover our necks.

Why talk about this in a fundraising blog? Certainly not just to share my embarrassing fear response. It’s because I’ve had too many experiences recently where fundraisers and leaders are being driven by fear. And that is both sad and frustrating.

Fear leads boards to threaten leaders. Then leaders, under pressure, may stop acting in the best interest of their staff. Fear drives leaders to overwhelm fundraisers with demands to raise more, faster, now. That pressure can lead fundraisers to make asks that are ill-timed or ill-advised. Fear drives systems to restrict and overwhelm fundraisers, leaving them feeling absolutely defeated.

And none of that creates joy.

At some point, we have to face our fears. But in most situations, I wonder if it would help not only to identify our own fear, but to see the fear driving others. There’s a scripture that says love drives out fear, and I keep thinking about what that could look like in our work.

• What if we loved our teams enough to stop using fear as a management strategy?

• What if we loved people enough to see their fear and not react emotionally?

• What if we loved ourselves enough to step out of unhealthy or abusive situations?

• What if we loved our donors enough to not ask from a place of fear?

Is that too simple? I hope not.

Fear may be part of being human, but it doesn't have to be the thing driving us. Not in our leadership. Not in our fundraising. Not in our donor relationships.