The Velvet Dart

Lisa taught me this term years ago, having learned it from her mentor: 

“The velvet dart.” 

She also taught me “blue unicorn,” which is equally good and equally true, but we’ll save that one for another day. 

The velvet dart has stayed with me because it captures something that happens in fundraising all the time, but we don’t always name it. The moments that don’t go as planned. The calls that end abruptly. The donor who doesn’t respond. The interaction that leaves you thinking, well… that didn’t land. 

What you do next after those “sticky” moments matters more than we sometimes realize. 

A velvet dart is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a message that is kind, thoughtful, and relational on the surface, but still makes a point. Not a sharp point. Not a corrective one. A gentle one. The kind that you can feel, but without creating friction. 

One of the simplest examples is also one of the most common. 

You call a donor. They see your name and/or you state your name and the org you’re calling from – and then, they hang up. It happens. You can feel it in the split second before the line goes dead. It’s easy to move on and tell yourself they’re not interested in engaging, maybe you’ll try again. (Or maybe you won’t - you’ll disengage). 

But that moment is actually an opportunity. 

What’s a velvet dart look like in this situation? A short, thoughtful note. Something that acknowledges what happened without calling it out directly. “It looks like we got disconnected earlier. I was calling to thank you.” And then you tell them why. 

This is the part where most fundraisers default to listing numerical impact. Resist that. Tell a story instead. Something specific, human, and connected to their giving. “Because of your support, a family we’ve been working with moved into stable housing last month. It’s the kind of progress you’re helping make possible every day.” 

Then close it simply. Let them know there’s no need to return the call. That you want them to know the difference they’re making. That you’re available. That you’re not calling to ask for anything, but if they ever need anything, you’re available. (Include your card if you’re sending it by mail) 

That’s it. 

The donor may or may not respond. That’s not the point. What shifts is how they experience you. Instead of feeling pursued, they feel appreciated. Instead of assuming every interaction leads to an ask, they begin to understand that the relationship has more depth than that. 

And the next time you reach out, the starting point is different. 

That’s what makes the velvet dart so effective. It removes pressure while reinforcing connection. It allows you to stay present in the relationship without forcing momentum. 

This shows up in more places than just the disconnected phone call.  

There’s the donor who hasn’t responded in months. It’s easy to keep sending follow-ups asking for time, but a velvet dart takes a different approach. A quick note that shares a recent impact story, no ask attached, simply reminding them why they connected to the mission in the first place. 

For example, what about the donor who only hears from you when there’s a need? Over time, that pattern becomes clear, even if it’s unintentional. A velvet dart interrupts that pattern. A short message that says, “I wanted to share something good you’re a part of.” It’s simple, but it changes the rhythm of the relationship. 

There’s also the donor who gives through a donor-advised fund or stock. We’ve seen situations where we’re not sure if they’ve given or been properly acknowledged. In those cases, the velvet dart is rooted in humility. “We’re reaching out to make sure we haven’t missed the opportunity to thank you. Occasionally these gifts come through without clear attribution, and we want to make sure we recognize your generosity if that’s the case.” It opens the door for a response, whether that response is confirmation of a gift or simply appreciation for being seen. 

Even when a donor says no, the velvet dart still works. Instead of moving on or waiting until the next ask, a thoughtful follow-up reinforces that the relationship isn’t dependent on the outcome. Thank them for considering the opportunity and continue to share impact; it keeps the connection intact. 

The thread running through all of these examples is the same: the velvet dart is not about being clever. It’s not about proving a point. And it’s definitely not about correcting a donor (even when a moment might tempt you in that direction). 

The velvet dart only works when it’s rooted in something genuine. 

Gratitude. Curiosity. Care. 

That’s also what makes it effective. Donors can tell the difference between a tactic and a real moment. When the intent is to stay connected, not to push an agenda, the tone shifts naturally. 

Fundraising is full of imperfect moments. Calls that are unanswered. Messages that we stumble through (been there). Donors who disengage without explanation. The easy response is to move on quickly and focus on the next opportunity. 

The better response is to stay in the relationship, just in a different way.  

The velvet dart gives you a way to do that. To take a moment that could have created distance and turn it into something that builds trust instead. 

It doesn’t need to be complicated. It doesn’t need to be long. It just needs to be real. 

And more often than not, that’s enough to change what happens next.  You might even receive a call from a blue unicorn!  But, that’s for another day.